Loved by a SEAL Read online

  Hooking his arm around her neck, he drew her to him and kissed her forehead. “Yeah, I know. Me either. We’ll figure something out, okay?”

  “Okay.” It was easy to agree when he was here, holding her.

  But once he left, once he went back to his life in the military and she back to the daily grind of her own job here, they’d both see more clearly. All the obstacles were still there. Were still insurmountable.

  Even if she did look for a nursing job on the East Coast to be near him, the reality was he was away more than he was there. At least that’s what she’d gathered from what Nana and his own family said.

  Even if Miss Eleanor and her opinions about Brody dating the help didn’t scare Ashley as much now as ten years ago, the rest still stood. The distance. His responsibilities to the country he served.

  How could she deal with that? Being alone in a new town with no family, no friends and no Brody half the time because his life belonged to the Navy.

  Not just the Navy. His time was dictated by the mysterious command of whatever special unit he’d joined. The same people who’d given him a week off and then had taken it back just a day later.

  She’d never come first in his life. At least not as long as he remained in this job.

  Ten years later and nothing had changed. She was still in love with Brody Cassidy and their relationship was still impossible.

  Ten hours later, Ashley was home with Nana.

  Even as the anticipation built, she was still second-guessing her decision to meet Brody for one last time that night.

  The buzzing of her cell phone on the living room table had her jumping. Trying to not look too anxious and arouse Nana’s suspicion, Ashley casually reached for it and glanced at the display.

  She frowned as she read the text from Brody.

  Don’t come to the park.

  He’d insisted on programming their numbers and email addresses into both of their phones today while she tended to Miss Eleanor.

  His attempt to make the distance not seem so great once they were separated, she supposed.

  But they weren’t separated yet and, even with the overwhelming sadness that he was leaving again so soon, she’d really been looking forward to their last few hours together tonight.

  After a glance at Nana to see if she noticed, Ashley confirmed her grandmother was too busy trying to guess the game show puzzle on the screen to worry about Ashley texting.

  That still left the worry about why Brody didn’t want to meet. With a feeling of dread, she punched in a question as her reply.

  Why not?

  I’m coming to you.

  Brody’s reply had her eyes widening. Ashley’s fingers flew over the keys of the cell as she responded.

  Nana is here!

  Nana sleeps like a rock. Leave your bedroom window open. Be in bed by 10 PM.

  She hesitated but in the end the idea of being with Brody in an actual bed rather than the park won out. Besides, Nana’s room was on the first floor and at the opposite end of the house. That realization raised one concern.

  You do know my room is upstairs?

  He responded with a smiley face and two words, No worries.

  A smiley face. From big bad Navy SEAL Brody who, unless he came armed with a ladder, was apparently planning to scale the walls of her home.

  Yup. This whole situation was making them crazy.

  Even so her heart was pounding with anticipation.

  CHAPTER 9

  Brody was getting dressed to go out for a run—or rather to pretend he was going out for a run while he was actually going to Ashley’s house—when his cell phone vibrated in his pocket.

  Pulling it out, he saw the same number as last night and shook his head. Hitting to accept the call, he said, “Bro, not that I don’t want to talk to you, but why do you insist on calling me at night?”

  “Is there a problem?” Chris asked. “Am I interrupting a big date?”

  “Nope. Not yet anyway.” He purposely made it sound like a joke. The last thing Brody wanted to do was talk about women with his brother over the phone long distance. Over a beer when they were both home, yeah, maybe then. But not now. He changed the subject. “So how are things going there?”

  “Moving along slowly. Very slowly.” Chris sighed.

  “Any ETA when you’ll be home?” Brody asked.

  “Nope. Even Jon and Zane aren’t sure how long we’ll be here yet.”

  If Brody got sent out immediately after getting back to Virginia, he wouldn’t get to see Chris before he left. “Hmm, then there’s a chance we’ll miss each other. Our mutual uncle called and he needs me to travel again.”

  “What the hell? You just got home from deployment.” Chris had understood Brody’s hint that it was Uncle Sam who had recalled him. A man had to get creative when not on a secure line.

  “I know but you know how it is.”

  “Yeah, I do. Damn, I was hoping you’d be around to keep an eye on Darci for me while I’m gone.”

  Brody’s brows shot up. “Um, taking care of your girlfriend isn’t exactly in my job description.”

  “I didn’t mean take care of her. Just be there if she needs something. Rick’s away right now too and I don’t like her being in that house all alone.”

  “Then maybe she should have Ali stay with her. With Jon gone, Ali’s on her own too.”

  “Yeah, I know. I suggested it but you know how Darci is.”

  “You mean obstinate and stubborn?”

  “Hey. Watch it.” The warning was evident in Chris’s tone.

  Brody laughed. “You’ve said as much yourself. Anyway, I’d love to help you and your girl, but I can’t even stay here in Alabama as long as I’d planned.”

  “Shit. If they’re yanking you off leave something big must be up.” Chris voiced Brody’s own suspicions.

  “That’s exactly what I’m thinking.”

  “A’ight. Well, keep me informed.”

  “I will if I can.” In all likelihood Brody wouldn’t know where he was going or when until the very last moment, and then he probably wouldn’t be able to tell Chris anyway.

  “So, how’s the family?” Chris asked.

  Brody jumped on the opportunity to tease his brother. “Dude, they’re really pissed at you that you’re not here.”

  “Fuck you. They are not.”

  Brody laughed. “Okay, only Grandmother is pissed. Says you’re out of the will for sure.”

  “Yeah, well, if our family had Zane’s kinda money I’d be worried you might be telling the truth. As it stands, not so much.” There was the mumble of voices over the line before Chris said, “Shit, I gotta go. Give everyone there my best. Okay?”

  “Will do. And Chris . . . stay safe. Okay, bro?” Brody didn’t know exactly what Chris was in Nigeria doing but he knew no foreign travel came without risk. A GAPS job that required both of the bosses and Chris travel to the heart of Boko Haram country would be no exception.

  His brother let out a snort. “Me? How about you? Take care of yourself, little brother.”

  “I will. Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  The line went dead and Brody lowered the phone from his ear.

  He’d just gotten a very real reminder of what it was like to be the one left behind while a loved one was away.

  It wasn’t easy. He knew that, he’d just forgotten on some level.

  Brody had been the one left home when he’d been just a kid still in school and Chris, just a little over ten years older, had enlisted. But Brody hadn’t had the experience in awhile now that Chris had been retired from the teams for a few years.

  Retired on not, Chris was currently back in harm’s way leaving Brody home and concerned about his welfare.

  Worrying sucked. Brody could only imagine the extent of the worry his family felt when he left, when he couldn’t get in touch with them for weeks at a time.

  And Ashley—she’d worry about him too now that they’d gotten close again. He kn
ew it and it pained him to think about what it would do to her.

  There was good reason SEALs rarely maintained a decent long-term relationship. And good reason why Brody didn’t do serious relationships. It was too damn hard on everyone.

  So why the hell was he planning on keeping in touch with Ashley now knowing how things would be once he left?

  That was a good question, one that he had no answer to.

  He opened his pack and pulled out a T-shirt so he could finish getting dressed to go see her, because apparently the reminder that this whole thing was pointless hadn’t changed his mind about seeing her tonight.

  CHAPTER 10

  The sound of scraping against the siding of the house just outside her window was so faint that if she hadn’t been on edge waiting for Brody, Ashley might have missed it completely.

  She threw the book she’d been trying and failing to read to the side and ran for the window just in time to see Brody clinging to the sash as his feet dangled below.

  “Oh my God.” She had tried to keep her voice low but the shock of seeing him hanging by his fingertips two stories in the air had stolen much of her control.

  “Open the window and step back.” Breathlessly, though not as much as she would expect considering, Brody issued that order.

  She shoved the window, which had been cracked a few inches, all the way open and took a step back into the room.

  Somehow he pulled and wiggled his massive body through the window opening, landing with not much more than a soft thud by her feet.

  As she watched, wide-eyed and speechless, he grinned up at her from the floor. “Hey there.”

  “What are you doing? You could have fallen and killed yourself.”

  Pushing himself off the floor, he stood. As he brushed his hands together he glanced out the window and to the ground below. “From this height? Nah. It would take a much farther fall than that to kill me.”

  She didn’t share his blasé attitude. “Why didn’t you just sneak in the back door? Or even better, just meet me in the park like we’d planned?”

  “Because this, darlin’, is so much more fun.” He stepped forward until his body was pressed to hers.

  She felt the low rumble of his groan vibrate against her and she was lost.

  It didn’t matter that Nana was just downstairs. That Brody was leaving in the morning. That she didn’t know when or if they’d ever be together again.

  All those concerns took a backseat to the need his touch stoked inside her.

  She ran her hands over his shirt and felt the muscles of his back, wishing she could feel the heat of this skin.

  “You’re overdressed.”

  His brows rose. “Am I? I could say the same about you.”

  “Then do something about it.” Ashley didn’t know where this vixen inside her had come from. At the moment she didn’t care.

  As Brody pulled her oversized T-shirt up and over her head, it appeared he wasn’t opposed to her new attitude either. He groaned again as he discovered she wasn’t wearing a bra under the shirt.

  He ran his hands over her bare skin as his gaze raked down her. “I missed you today.”

  She frowned at him, trying to hold on to her train of thought as he brushed her nipple with one thumb. “I only left your house a few hours ago.”

  “But I couldn’t touch you like I wanted to at all during the day.” He bent and pushed her shorts down her legs, leaving her bare.

  “But we got to play Scrabble with Miss Eleanor.” Ashley drew in a sharp breath as Brody ran his hands up between her legs.

  “Please stop talking about my grandmother while I’m making love to you or we are in grave danger of me losing my abilities.”

  She reached between them to prove him wrong. “I’m not too worried. Everything feels fine to me in that department.”

  Brody’s eyes narrowed as his gaze took her in. “I guess you’re enough incentive to keep visions of Grandmother at bay.”

  He lowered his head to meet her lips with his, backing her up toward the bed as he did so. When her legs hit the edge of the mattress, her knees buckled and they both tumbled on top of the covers.

  Groaning, he slid down the bed and positioned himself between her legs. “I’ve imagined all the things I could do with you in an actual bed.”

  Ashley had done the same, more times than she’d like to admit. But all of her imaginings were never as good as the reality of having Brody there with her.

  The heat of his mouth on her. Having his weight pressed against her. Of being encased in his strong, thick arms as he wrapped them around her.

  Her imagination had missed all the good stuff that making love with Brody included.

  The warmth of his breath against her skin. The soft sigh he let out as he slid inside her. The way he shook as he came.

  Ashley tried to memorize it all. Every detail. It would be all she had once he’d left.

  That one thought broke her resolve to not cry until after he’d left.

  Unaware, Brody rolled his weight off her, but kept her held in his arms as he kissed her cheek.

  He muttered a soft cuss and pulled back. “Are you crying?”

  “No.” She tried to keep the sound of her tears out of her voice but it didn’t work very well.

  He brushed his hand across her cheek, capturing a fresh drop of the moisture that spilled from her overflowing eyes. “Liar.”

  “Sorry.”

  Brody blew out a breath. “No. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

  “Sorry that we did this?” she asked.

  “No, that I’m making you sad. That I’m leaving you. Again.”

  They were both quiet for a moment. She didn’t know what thoughts were running through Brody’s head but in her own mind she was replaying the last time he’d left. The horrible scene the last time she’d seen him.

  He had stood there in front of her then, looking thinner and tired but happy to be home for a short visit after finishing boot camp. He’d opened his soul to her by asking her to follow him. To be with him forever. Offering her the tiny band of gold with a small diamond in it he held between his fingers with a promise he’d buy her a better one when he could afford it.

  When she said she couldn’t do what he asked, she had seen the mingled hurt and anger in his eyes, at least what she could see through her tears.

  “What did you do with the ring?” she asked.

  “I carried it around with me for a while. Looked at it. Felt shitty. Finally I tossed it into the surf off Coronado.” His laugh was short and humorless. “It was so small, so light, it barely reached the water even with me throwing it as hard as I could manage.”

  That image twisted her already pained heart. A shuttering sob escaped her.

  “Come on, Ash. Don’t cry.”

  “Why not?” This time tomorrow, Ashley would be alone in her bed and Brody would be gone again.

  “Things won’t be like before. I’ll call you. And when I can’t call, I’ll email.”

  From somewhere far away and dangerous, she knew. They didn’t talk about that though. Instead he held her for a long time, and she tried not to sniffle as a fresh wave of tears inevitably replaced whatever calm she’d managed to achieve after conquering the last bout.

  Eventually, Brody kissed her forehead. “I should probably get going.”

  His announcement set off a panic inside her. “Will I see you in the morning?”

  “No, I’m leaving before dawn to try to beat the traffic.”

  It was late. Dawn was only a handful of hours away. Even if he went directly to sleep when he got home, he’d be exhausted for the long drive tomorrow.

  He stood and retrieved his clothing, piece by piece, from where he’d tossed it.

  “Brody?”

  “Yeah?” Brody bent to grab her T-shirt and handed it to her.

  Ashley sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the mattress. “Do you really forgive me?”

  “Yeah, I do. Because you were ri
ght. I didn’t see it then but I do now. We were too young. I ended up being away more than I’m home. You had nursing school to finish.” He lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug.

  After pulling the shirt over her head, she stood and moved closer to him. He grabbed and held both of her hands in his larger, warm ones. She let him, as grateful for the small contact as for the fact that he was still there. That he hadn’t left her yet.

  The tears streamed unchecked down her cheeks again.

  Brody sighed and pulled her to him. “I know, Ash, I know. Saying goodbye sucks.”

  Yes, it did, but she didn’t see him descending into a blubbering wreck like she was. Of course, she supposed big bad Navy SEALs didn’t cry. Only the women they left behind did.

  He pulled back and kissed her in spite of her streaming tears and runny nose. She was a mess and this was going to be his final memory of her, but he didn’t seem to mind.

  Lifting his hands, he cradled her face within his palms and deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue against hers.

  The kiss went on and on, but not nearly long enough. She leaned forward to prolong the contact as he pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers. “If I don’t leave now, we’re going to end up back in that bed. Then I’ll never be able to bring myself to go.”

  That sounded like a good plan to her. Ashley swallowed away the sorrow. “Okay.”

  He drew in a breath and dropped his hold on her before turning toward the window to make his exit.

  “Don’t you want to use the door?”

  Pushing the window wide, he glanced back and grinned. “Nah. Down’s easier than up.”

  As sad as she was, his sneaking in and out of her second story bedroom by the window was so ridiculous she almost smiled.

  He swung one leg over the sash and treated her to one last grin before he slipped out.

  She stepped closer and was in time to see as he lowered himself by the strength of his arms alone, and then let go of the window sill and dropped straight down to the ground as she gasped.

  He glanced up from where he’d landed on the lawn below, stood and offered up a wave before turning and taking off at a jog.