Loved by a SEAL Read online

  If she hadn’t known and had been wondering if he was still in the military, his mention of his command and his pack should have confirmed it for her. His enlisting all those years ago had been what had broken them up.

  Nothing had changed . . . He was still in the Navy. She would no doubt still not approve of that. So why was he envisioning backing her up and taking her against the wall? Taking her so hard neither of them would ever forget it.

  Did he want to hurt her like she’d hurt him? Or just remind her how much they’d loved each other before she’d destroyed it?

  Hate was as strong as love, he supposed.

  That thought gave him pause. Did he hate her?

  No, he didn’t, but the hurt and anger and resentment still lived inside him, even after all this time. He’d never had true closure.

  Maybe this overwhelming craving to possess her was simply because in spite of the traumatic end to their relationship, Ashley felt like home to him—as much as this house and his family did. That sensation, at a time when he really needed to feel as if he had a home and a family, was pretty powerful.

  With Speedy’s death, and Chris still away and without communications on whatever this mysterious GAPS mission was, Brody was feeling more out of sorts than he usually did.

  Coming home from deployment was always an adjustment, but with nothing and no one to greet him after six months away but a couple of strippers and an empty apartment, Brody needed to feel something familiar.

  For better or worse, Ashley was familiar, even if they’d lived like strangers for the past decade. And she was here, right in front of him, still acting as if she didn’t want him in his own house.

  “Uh, can I come in?” he asked.

  Her eyes widened. “Oh, of course. I’m sorry. I just wanted to meet you here and warn you.”

  Warn him? Good lord, what now? He couldn’t take much more upheaval. “Warn me about what?”

  She cringed at the hard tone even he had heard in his own voice. “Nothing horrible. It’s just your grandmother’s health isn’t what it used to be so she stays in her bedroom mostly. That’s why I’m here. To help while your parents are at work all day.”

  “Where’s Nana?” Brody asked.

  He felt ill at the thought something had happened to the woman who’d raised him and Chris, even if she was Ashley’s grandmother and not his own.

  “She’s okay but she had to stop working. She’s up there in years herself and when she fell and broke her wrist—”

  “And nobody bothered to tell me any of this?” Brody let out a string of cusses that he shouldn’t have in front of any lady, or anyone else besides one of his team, but he couldn’t help it.

  Just when he’d been depending on the stability of family, he’d come back to find his nice stable home life had been turned upside down while he’d been deployed.

  Chris was gone to God only knew where. His grandmother was so ill she needed a caretaker. Nana was hurt and had quit the job she’d held for forty years.

  What other nasty little surprises awaited him?

  Ashley’s touch on his arm brought his attention back to her. “You were away. They didn’t want to worry you. And honestly they’re both fine.”

  He pulled his arm back far enough she had to drop her hand. If he couldn’t have her the way he wanted to, he’d rather she didn’t touch him at all. He couldn’t take it right now.

  “So what? You’re the housekeeper now?”

  The girl who’d had such big plans for her life. College. Career. Plans for a future that were too important for her to risk putting them in jeopardy by coming with him to wherever the Navy chose to send him.

  Anger flashed in her eyes. “No, I’m not the housekeeper and what would be wrong with it if I was? My grandmother is the most honest, hardworking—”

  “Stop. I apologize. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just all a shock.”

  Her being here was like a sucker punch to the gut when he’d already been against the ropes and fighting to stay upright.

  She drew in a deep breath. “I’m a nurse. I left a good job at the leading hospital in Alabama to come here to help because Nana and your family needed me. I’m here all day with Miss Eleanor while your parents are at work, then I go home to Nana every night.”

  Whether Brody liked it or not, Ashley was about as close to being a part of his family as she could get without being an actual blood relative. While he’d been halfway around the world defending the freedoms of strangers, she’d been here taking care of his loved ones.

  Pissed at her or not, how could he not feel grateful to her for that?

  Speedy’s death was proof that a man had to settle his affairs when he had the chance because he didn’t know when there’d be no more time left.

  Brody pushed down the anger he felt at her over the past. While he was at it, he did his best to bury the guilt and anger he directed toward himself for being away for so long and so often when a good son would be here where he was needed.

  Holding on to anger had worn on him. He realized that now as the weariness and sheer exhaustion hit him all at once, like when the adrenaline rush wore off and he crashed hard after an op.

  Time to make amends. At least be civil and honest. “I’m glad you’re here, Ashley.”

  She lifted her dark brows. “You are?”

  He didn’t have any fight or strength left in him. Hell, at this point he was happy he was still standing.

  “Yeah, I am.” Dropping his duffle to the ground, he gave up trying to resist the urge to grab a hold of the familiar, the comfortable, what he knew. What he’d loved. He reeled her in with one arm and squeezed her hard.

  He leaned his chin on her head and inhaled the familiar scent of her. It transported him back a decade and all the emotions hit him full force. The good, the bad and everything in between.

  When he’d decided to come home, he hadn’t bargained for all this.

  Pulling back, he drew in a breath to steady himself. “Is my grandmother awake? Can I see her?”

  “Oh, God, yes. Of course. Sorry. She’s in her room.” Ashley stumbled back a step and cleared the doorway for him to enter.

  He grabbed his duffle again and stepped into the cool of the house.

  As he closed the front door behind him, he took some satisfaction that she looked as off kilter as he did. All after what amounted to just a hug between two childhood friends who had, for a short time, been so much more to each other.

  It might be petty of him, but he was happy this reunion hadn’t been any easier for her than it had been on him.

  Which raised the question, why? Were there still some feelings on her end? Regret maybe?

  What the hell was he doing even thinking that? Even a tiny glimmer of hope would open him up for a world of hurt.

  Even so, he couldn’t help himself as his gaze dropped to her left hand. He saw it was bare of any rings.

  Damned if that knowledge didn’t have his pulse picking up speed, which only made him pissed at himself and her.

  Been there, done that.

  He and Ashley were over and had been for a long time. Now that circumstances had put her back in his life, he’d work to keep things friendly. Nothing more.

  The logical part of his brain was on board with that plan, but damned if the rest of him didn’t have other ideas.

  He watched the sway of her hips as she led the way down the hall of his childhood home and decided he liked how the years had filled out her figure.

  Thoughts like that were dangerous. He was already feeling like an emotional, hormonal teenager again. He wasn’t sure if that stemmed from visceral memories of the past, or a sign he’d needed to take some time off more than he’d realized.

  In any case, his relaxing trip had turned into one hell of an emotional roller coaster and there was nothing he could do besides buckle up and hang on tight. He only hoped he’d eventually start to enjoy the ride because right now, the way his stomach churned like he was upsid
e down in a loop and about to lose his lunch, it could go either way.

  And just when he was already thrown off his game, he had to paste on a smile and get ready to lie to his grandmother—possibly the shrewdest, toughest, hardest woman he’d ever known.

  “Grandmother. How are you feeling?” Brody left his bag on the floor and stepped into the room.

  Eleanor Cassidy wasn’t a nana, or a memaw or even a grandma. She was most certainly Grandmother to Brody and Chris, and referred to respectfully as Miss Eleanor by most folks around town.

  Taking her hands in his, Brody leaned down and pressed a kiss to her wrinkled cheek, before sitting in the chair next to the bed.

  The old woman was thinner than he remembered, making her skin sag a bit more around her face. Her complexion seemed more sallow, as well.

  In spite of those indications of her failing health, there was still a strong flash of attitude in the glare she directed at Ashley as she said, “I’m perfectly fine and there is no reason for this one here to keep me confined to my room.”

  In light of the feistiness he saw in his grandmother, Brody had to wonder if that were true. He shot a glance at Ashley. She had her lips pressed tight, looking as if she wasn’t about to get into an argument about the subject.

  He had a feeling he’d stumbled upon a long standing debate regarding the details of his grandmother’s care. “Well, maybe now that I’m here I can help you outside and we can sit on the front porch for a bit.”

  Her grey brows drew low. “Sit outside in the heat? Don’t be ridiculous.”

  That would teach him to keep his bright ideas to himself.

  Brody got a renewed appreciation for exactly how hard Ashley’s duties were, being here all day, every day, alone with his grandmother.

  “It’s been a long time since we’ve seen you.” There was no question in his grandmother’s statement, but he felt the need to answer anyway.

  “I know. I apologize. I’ve been out of the country for a while.”

  She pursed her lips. “You’d think those politicians and generals could come up with a better plan than tearing young men away from their families and sending them God only knows where. There are plenty of convicts taking up space in prison on the taxpayers’ dollar. They should send them instead.”

  As he squelched his opinion regarding the absurdity of her idea, Brody nodded. “Yup, there sure are. But I don’t make the rules, Grandmother. I just follow them.”

  “Well, at least you’re here now. How long are you staying?”

  He braced himself for her reaction. Whatever he said, it wouldn’t be long enough in her opinion. The truth was, he’d been lucky to get as much time off as he had. Even so, command could recall him at any moment.

  “If I don’t get called back in before, I won’t have to leave until Sunday afternoon.”

  “Good. You’ll attend church with me Sunday morning. If I’m allowed to go, that is.” She shot Ashley another accusatory look. “Ashley, have you offered Brody some sweet tea?”

  “No, ma’am. Not yet.” Ashley turned to him. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  Nurses must be trained to deal with difficult patients, because Ashley didn’t even flinch at his grandmother treating her like she was a servant rather than a highly skilled health care professional.

  “Sure. I’ll come and help you.” Brody stood.

  He wasn’t about to let his ex-girlfriend wait on him in his own home. Besides all the personal stuff, she was a nurse, not a waitress, and he was able to get a drink for himself just fine.

  “The girl is perfectly capable of handling two glasses of tea, Brody.”

  “I’m sure she is, but you raised me to be a gentleman and I’d like to help.” He led the way into the hallway before his grandmother could make more of a fuss.

  It wasn’t until they were in the kitchen that Ashley spoke. “Miss Eleanor was right, you know. You didn’t have to help. I could have handled two glasses of tea.”

  “Well, it goes without saying that Miss Eleanor is always right. And it’s three glasses because you’re going to sit with us. You’re not the housekeeper.”

  “You mean like my grandmother was? No, I’m not.” It was clear from her tone she was insulted.

  Brody leveled his gaze at her. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

  After a pause, she drew in a breath. “I know. You just have to realize, I’ve changed, the whole world’s changed, but to Miss Eleanor, as far as social niceties go. . .”

  “It might as well still be fifty years ago.” He finished her sentence for her.

  “Exactly.”

  He watched as she moved to the cabinet and took down two glasses. He took a step forward and reached for a third glass, placing it pointedly on the counter next to the other two. “Did she always treat you and Nana like you were—”

  “The help?” She glanced over her shoulder at him as she reached for the pitcher of tea on the counter. “That’s exactly what we were.”

  As a kid, he had been too wrapped up in his own life, and later when he was a teenager, in trying to find more ways to spend time alone with Ashley, to have noticed.

  It wasn’t until now he realized the full impact of what she’d probably felt all those years ago. That his grandmother had been raised in an age when, in her mind, he and Ashley shouldn’t be together.

  Being employed by his family didn’t make Nana, and shouldn’t make Ashley, second-class citizens. As if they were lesser, but it probably had and he just didn’t notice.

  Nana was simply the woman who had raised him.

  Now, he had to wonder at Ashley’s motivation for everything. Her insistence no one ever know they were secretly dating. Even her breaking up with him took on a whole new light.

  All these years he’d assumed her decision had come from a place of selfishness. Had she been worried about being accepted by his family because of her family’s position in their lives?

  In the absence of the anger and resentment he hadn’t realized he’d been holding on to, some empathy had room to begin to creep in. He reached out and brushed a hand across her cheek.

  When that one move startled her and had her drawing back he realized how distant the time was when she’d wanted him to—had expected him to touch her.

  He pulled his hand away. “I’m sorry you have to deal with all this.”

  “Brody, it’s my job and I’ve handled patients who were much worse. Believe me.” She smiled and it actually looked genuine.

  She didn’t understand he was talking about so much more than his grandmother being a difficult patient.

  When he remained quiet, unsure of what to say, she tipped her head to one side. “Are you okay?”

  That one question, delivered with the concern of a friend and nothing more, shouldn’t have twisted his gut, but it did.

  He didn’t know what came over him, but before he knew it, he found himself spilling his guts to her. “We lost a guy.”

  “Brody. I’m sorry.”

  He nodded his acceptance of her sympathy and kept talking. “That’s why I wasn’t here earlier. I stayed in Virginia for the memorial service.”

  She reached out and laid her hand on his arm and he decided he was tired. Tired of thinking. Of fighting.

  That one gentle touch did him in. He reached out and pulled her against him for the second time that day.

  Ashley wrapped her arms around his waist. He squeezed her tighter in response.

  What the hell was it about this woman that made him need to hold her? Was it just the memory of the girl who’d been his friend for years before she’d been his first and only love?

  Maybe it didn’t matter why.

  All that seemed to matter was that holding her made him feel better. Grounded. Home.

  She pulled back a few inches and raised the same eyes he used to get lost in to meet his. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “Yeah. There is.” He moved in closer before he thought better of
it.

  Before he talked himself out of the urge he wasn’t sure he could control anyway, he crashed his mouth into hers.

  When she didn’t pull away, when she kissed him back, there was no more thinking. He let his mind shut down.

  Brody refused to think anymore and just let himself feel. Feel her. Feel safe. Feel home.

  Bringing one hand up he cradled her head while holding her body tightly to his with the other. When he breached her lips with his tongue, the soft sound of need she let out stole his breath. He forgot where he was as kissing her blocked out all reason.

  “Brody?” The distant sound of his grandmother’s summons penetrated the surreal haze.

  He broke the kiss but didn’t let her go. Instead he leaned his forehead against hers and waited for his heart to stop pounding.

  “We should get back to her.”

  “I know.” Still Brody didn’t move. Not to let go of her. Not to go to his grandmother even though he knew he should.

  She tipped her head so her gaze could find his. “I thought you hated me.”

  He let out a breath tinged with a laugh. “So did I. Turns out I was wrong.”

  Her breath had quickened with the kiss, just like his had. There was no way either one of them was going to move on and forget this had happened. He figured he might as well accept that. “Stay with me tonight.”

  Her eyes widened. “What?”

  “Stay here. For dinner. For longer.”

  “Brody—”

  “What are you two doing in there?” His grandmother’s question interrupted Ashley’s protest.

  “We’ll be right there. I had to fix more tea,” Ashley called back, providing a viable excuse that Brody wasn’t sure he would have been able to come up with on his own.

  “I told you that you need to make a fresh batch every day or we run out!”

  His grandmother obviously had no problem issuing orders while bedridden.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Ashley’s eyes remained on his even as she called the answer to his grandmother, before she lowered her voice to answer his question. “I have to go home to Nana. We have dinner together every night and then watch TV.”

  She moved to pull back and he held tighter. “Then come back. After Nana goes to bed, meet me.”