Cat Snips - a Short Story Collection by Cat Johnson Read online

  Max emerged from the bathroom and frowned down at her and the cat. “Don’t think that thing is sleeping in bed with us.”

  She bit her tongue to prevent herself from saying what she really wanted to, that she would far rather sleep with the cat than him. Instead, she just kissed the cat on the head and placed him gently on a throw she’d put on a chair for him in the living room.

  Max pulled back the covers and slid underneath, patting the bed next to him. She raised a brow. She recognized that look in his eye. Was he kidding?

  She got into bed, flipped off the light and rolled away from him. “Good night.” She felt him snuggle up against her back. Felt his erection pressing into her. Felt his hand start to snake up her leg. Time for payback. “Now? It’s too late, Max. I’m tired. Sorry.” Then she reached down and gave his hand a squeeze and pushed it away.

  In the next room, a very satisfied cat listened carefully, smiled, then fell asleep.

  The next morning, after a long sound sleep, he licked his paw and rubbed it against one ear while half-heartedly listening to the news program the Max-man had on the television.

  He was sure to keep himself hidden under the dining room table since the Max-man was home alone with him.

  There was no love lost there, on either side. Although he had to admit, he enjoyed tripping him the night before when he arrived home so late. Since he had smelled alcohol on the man’s breath the moment he had walked in the door, upsetting him had been ridiculously easy.

  He was especially happy he had done it after he saw how rudely the man treated his woman. And he meant his woman, not the Max-man’s woman. He wasn’t going to accept this relationship easily. He remembered how his woman had refused the man sex. That had been classic. He knew his woman had spunk.

  Max-man was currently unpacking his suitcase. His woman had already left for work, but this man seemed to set his own hours and hadn’t made a move to leave yet even though it was late in the morning.

  When the cell phone rang, Max-man answered it. The cat had to pause in his cleaning to listen.

  “I’ll be into work as soon as I can… No, Belinda will get suspicious if I have to work late again tonight. Relax. We leave for another trip in only two days. You’ll just have to wait until then, you insatiable nympho… No, I’m not going to break up with her. Are you going to leave your husband? …Then stop pushing me.”

  The cat’s eyes opened wide. He knew it. That bastard was cheating on his woman. If only he could prove it to her. What a perfect way to get him out of her life permanently. He had to do something, because the thought of his woman being with this man made the bile rise in his throat.

  When the Max-man finally left to go to his job and his whore, the cat wasted no time. He’d find proof if it killed him. He pawed through the dirty laundry on the floor, sniffing for perfume and looking for lipstick. That’s how men who cheated sometimes got caught on those soap operas. He found nothing. Max-man must do his cheating naked.

  The suitcase was still open and on the floor, so he settled himself inside it and started to paw through the pockets. And there, right in the side pocket that he nearly overlooked, was the overwhelming scent of a female human. He tugged at the zipper with his teeth and his claws until finally it opened enough for him to slip one nail in and pull out a lace pair of obviously worn panties.

  Ah, ha!

  The Max-man didn’t seem like the sentimental type, but his whore did seem like the vindictive sort. The cat would just bet she slipped these panties into the side pocket, hoping that his woman would find them so she could have the Max-man all to herself.

  Well, he would make sure she got her wish. He left them just as they were, half in and half out of the pocket in the open suitcase on the floor. All he had to do now was wait for Belinda to get home from work in a few hours and find the evidence. He glanced at the clock. He would just curl up right inside this comfy piece of luggage for a nice little nap until she did.

  Belinda walked in the door to the sound of the ringing phone. She ran for it and grabbed it just in time before the machine picked up. “Hello.”

  “Hey. Grace and I want to do something tonight. It’s Halloween and we’re missing our youth and feeling like we need to do something to celebrate. Something that involves scary movies and lots of chocolate.”

  Belinda laughed, out of breath from her sprint for the phone. “I’d love to, but Max just got home late last night and I kind of feel like I have to spend some time with him.”

  She could practically hear the face Donna was making on the other end of the line. “Okay, but if you change your mind, we’ll be at my place.”

  “All right. Thanks.” She hung up and dropped her bag on the counter. All she wanted to do right now was take off her shoes, which were killing her, and change into something comfy.

  Walking into the bedroom, she had to smile when she spied her black cat curled up in an adorable circle in Max’s suitcase. “Hey, you.” She bent to pet him. “You better not let Max see you in there.”

  Then her gaze hit on a small scrap of lace in the side pocket. Frowning, she reached out to take it. What it was hit her like a full force body blow.

  “Oh my God.”

  The cat put a paw on her leg. She pushed it away and stood up. “Not now, Black Cat.”

  Her heart was pounding, her head spinning. She was holding some other woman’s underwear in her hand, unable to move or even think. Then her brain snapped into action. He would deny it. She knew him too well now. He would probably say they were hers and she was crazy for forgetting she put them in his bag. Everything was always somehow her fault, even though he was the cheating bastard. She shook her head. She had to find more proof. But whatever she found, cell phone bills, lipstick, love notes, it wouldn’t matter. He would somehow explain it away and deny it.

  Then she realized it didn’t matter. This was her place and as of now, he was out of it. She started to fling his stuff in his suitcase, thinking how convenient of him to leave it on the floor and open for her. And when the suitcase was full, she would move on to putting his stuff in garbage bags. That seemed fitting.

  She paused in her flinging just long enough to make two phone calls. Call number one was to the locksmith to have her deadbolt changed. Call number two was to Donna’s house. The voicemail message picked up.

  “Hey, I’m coming tonight and I’ve thought of something very Halloween-ish for us to do. Just make sure Grace brings her spell book.” As she hung up the phone, she glanced out the window at the huge orb of a full moon just appearing on the horizon. She was feeling very much like a witch at the moment and she was definitely in the mood to be bad.

  Chapter Five

  “I can’t believe he was cheating on you. I always knew he was an ass, but I never dreamed…” Donna poured her a big mug full of hot cider spiked with rum. She handed it to Belinda. “Here, you need this.”

  “All men suck.” Grace unwrapped another piece of chocolate.

  “You got that right.” Donna nodded.

  Belinda was as up for a male bashing session as they were, but it somehow didn’t seem very satisfying tonight. And she was really on edge waiting for her cell phone to ring. It was only a matter of time before Max came home and found not only all his belongings in the hall, but also that his key no longer worked.

  God, she hoped he didn’t go crazy, kick down the door and hurt the cat or something. Then she remembered. This was Max she was talking about. He would never risk scuffing his shoes, and she doubted he could kick down a door even if he wanted to. She looked up to find both her friends watching her.

  “You okay?” Donna asked.

  She forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “I know what will cheer you up.” Grace got up and pulled the spell book out of her bag. “I even picked up colored candles, incense and herbs to enhance the spells.”

  Belinda had to smile. Grace was really getting into this. She watched her sprinkle the table with dried rosemary
.

  Donna rubbed her hands together. “Okay. Me first.” She closed her eyes. “I wish I had enough money to buy a beach house. Oh, and tax free.”

  Grace shook her head. “We’re not wishing on a falling star, or blowing out a birthday candle. You have to do it the right way.”

  Belinda laughed. “Yeah. Don’t be so silly, Donna.”

  Grace shot her a nasty look because of her sarcasm and opened the book. “Here. I found a spell to attract money in the book. First I have to light the green candle. Next, you have to envision the money coming to you. Now, chant this, ‘Money, money, come to me. I deserve prosperity.’”

  Donna did as she was told, then sat there expectantly. “Well?”

  “It takes time. Jeez. What do you want? Instant gratification? And you have to help a little bit too. Did you buy a lottery ticket yet for this week’s drawing?”

  Donna scowled. “No.”

  “Well, don’t you think you should?” Grace raised an eyebrow.

  Donna rolled her eyes. “Yes. Okay. Now it’s Belinda’s turn. What do you want to do? I’ll help you chant if it will make Max’s penis fall off faster.”

  Belinda smiled. “I don’t want that to happen. Although, if he suddenly developed erectile dysfunction disorder, it would serve him right.”

  “There’s no spell for that in the book, but I don’t see why we can’t write our own. Ooo, I’ve got it. How about, ‘What you reap is what you sow. Let Max’s penis refuse to grow.’” Grace looking extremely pleased with herself and her rhyme.

  Donna clapped her hands. “That was great. Or how about this one? ‘For what he has done to thee, let him receive it back, times three.’ That way it’s up to karma or the Goddess or whoever to decide what happens to him.”

  “Hmm. Not bad. You guys are good at this. But I don’t care what happens to Max, as long as he stays out of my life. I just want to be happy and eventually find a decent guy.” Belinda took another sip of cinnamon and rum-laced cider.

  “Well, for a love spell we have to light the red candle. Actually, it’s pink for love and red for lust and passion, but they were out of pink so red is close enough, I guess.” Grace scrambled to change to the appropriate color for the spell.

  “Lust and passion are good too.” Belinda considered her spell. “Okay, how about, ‘By the moon and by the sun, let me find he who is the one. May he be loyal and may he be true, this is my desire, I ask this of you’.” She finished the rhyme and looked up to see what Donna and Grace thought.

  Grace screwed up her face and turned to Donna. “She always has to outdo us. Have you noticed that?”

  Donna shrugged. “Yeah, but she’s good at it. What can I say?”

  Belinda rolled her eyes. “It’s not a competition.”

  “Whatever. Anyway. My turn. My boss has been a total bitch to me, so I’m going to curse her.” Grace blew out the red candle and lit a black one. “Black must be good for curses, right?”

  “I don’t know. This is your thing, honey.” Donna shook her head.

  “Well, it can’t hurt. Okay, here it goes. ‘Vengeance is mine, your reign is through, let all of your meanness, return to you. Lose your job and cry boo hoo hoo’.”

  Donna frowned at Grace. “That was like some sick warped version of a Dr. Seuss rhyme.”

  Grace humphed. “You’re just jealous.”

  Belinda smiled. “Okay. No fighting. What do we do now?”

  “Eat more chocolate?” Donna suggested.

  “Chocolate later. Now, we cleanse our lives by writing down whatever we want to rid ourselves of on a piece of paper and burning it. Do you have a cauldron or something?” Grace turned to Donna.

  Donna snorted out a laugh. “Sorry, my cauldron is out being repaired by the wizard. Will a fondue pot do?”

  That comment elicited more faces from Grace, but they ended up all in a circle around the fondue pot with burning pieces of paper from Donna’s computer printer in their hands.

  “I rid myself of my boss.”

  “I rid myself of Max.”

  “I rid myself of not having enough money for a beach house.”

  They collectively threw the papers into the fondue pot and watched them burn. And then watched the fire alarm lights in the apartment begin to flash as the sound deafened them.

  “Uh, oh. What do I do?” Donna’s eyes opened wide.

  “Douse it, I guess.” Belinda turned toward the kitchen to get some water just as Donna flung her cider into the pot to douse the flames, but apparently rum mixed with cider wasn’t good for fighting fires and the flames shot higher.

  While Donna spun in circles looking for something else to throw onto the flames and Grace stood and watched, Belinda ran to the kitchen and soaked a dishtowel in water. She ran back and threw it over the pot.

  By the time the firemen were banging on the door, the fire was out, although the smoke remained.

  Donna went to open the door as Belinda and Grace peeked under the towel to make sure the fire was really out. But their attention was definitely no longer on the pot when they heard Donna say, “Well, hello there.”

  Belinda looked up to find two of the cutest firemen she had ever seen, suited up in full fire fighting gear, pushing their way passed Donna and into the apartment. She held up her hand to stop them. “It’s out. Everything is fine.”

  At that, one hunk used his radio to call down to the truck to tell them the fire was out as Grace pushed her way forward, her hand extended to the other hunk.

  “Thank you so much for coming. Let me introduce myself. I’m Grace. That’s Donna and this is Belinda. And you are?”

  Belinda elbowed her. “This isn’t a cocktail party.”

  He smiled at them. “I’m Antonio and that’s Troy.”

  Then he looked down at the table where candles, incense, herbs, a spell book, chocolate, mugs of cider and a bottle of rum surrounded the still smoking and scorched fondue pot. “What exactly happened in here?”

  Donna rushed forward. “We were cleansing.”

  The one introduced as Troy, who had O’Donnell written on his jacket, waved the smoke away and took a look into the pot. “Looks like it didn’t work.”

  “Yeah. Sorry we brought you all the way here for nothing,” Belinda began.

  “Yes, it would be a shame to waste a trip,” Donna interrupted her. “Would you like something to drink?”

  Troy looked at her like she had offered to have his first born. With widened eyes, he blurted, “I’m engaged.”

  The other one laughed at his fellow firefighter’s reaction until he realized that the attention had now turned to him. He held up both hands in defense. “I’m practically engaged, but thanks anyway. We, uh, gotta get going.”

  “Maybe another time. Thanks for coming.” Donna called out the door after their hastily retreating figures, and then sighed. “We should have gone down to the truck to thank the rest of them personally.”

  “Good idea. Do you think we can get down there before they leave?” Grace agreed, rummaging through her purse and applying the lipstick she’d found.

  Belinda laughed. “You guys are crazy. And it’s late. I think I’m going to get going. It’s making me very nervous that Max hasn’t called in a huff yet.”

  Donna hugged her at the door. “You be careful and call us if you need anything.”

  “Here, take my pepper spray just in case.” Grace dug through her purse some more and handed it to her.

  Belinda took it, doubting she would need it against Max, but you never knew. Better safe than sorry.

  When she arrived at her door later, she realized she wouldn’t need the spray or anything else against Max because he’d never come home. She found his stuff still in the hall and a voicemail inside telling her he was working late and might not make it back at all that night.

  Yeah, sure. She knew what he was working on and it wasn’t work. At least she wouldn’t have to deal with him tonight. And it was with that thought in her mind that she f
ell into a deep dream-filled sleep.

  Chapter Six

  The man turned cat often dreamed. And when he did, it was almost always of his life before the witch had cursed him. The battles in which he had fought. The women he had bedded. His family. His childhood. More recently, in the time since his woman had taken him home, he dreamed of her. What it would be like to touch her with human hands. How her breasts would tighten and pucker under his mouth. How tight and warm she would feel surrounding him. And how she would cry out when he brought her to climax, over and over again.

  Sometimes in his dreams he’d place her on her hands and knees and take her from behind. Other times she would sit above him and ride him like a wild horse. Once he even dreamed they had showered together and made love in the hot steam of the bathroom. He wondered what a shower would feel like against human skin. Certainly like nothing he had ever experienced as a man a thousand years ago, back in the days of bathing in cold streams between battles.

  But this dream, this was the most vivid dream he had ever experienced as man or beast. He could have sworn he was awake, but he couldn’t be. He couldn’t be awake, because he was a man, and he lay next to his woman, on her large bed with the fluffy coverings.

  The Max-man was not there, probably would never be there again. He had seen to that. Since the Max-man was no more, last night he had jumped up onto the bed and snuggled next to his woman’s breast. Breathing in her scent, he’d fallen sound asleep. And then, in his dream, he woke and being a man, in his dream, he took his hand and stroked her face, brushing away a stray strand of her silken hair.

  Her face felt warm beneath his touch and he craved a kiss. He touched his human mouth to hers, softly. He felt her breath as it caught in her throat, and her eyes opened. Her hand came up to touch his face, then tangled in his hair as she pulled his mouth down again to meet hers.

  He kissed her deeper, letting his tongue explore her mouth. She tasted of mint for some reason. Perhaps that was what those commercials for toothpaste meant when they said ‘minty fresh’. Hmm. This truly was a vivid dream and he intended on enjoying every moment of it.